pausation & evaluation

For the last few years, my life has not left me particularly happy or satisfied. It's actually been much more than a few years. I think I'm constantly trying to fix it with stuff. Not necessarily physical items (although there is that), but just unrealized thoughts and ideas, unfulfilled plans, have cluttered my life to the point that I can't see the metaphorical floor anymore. So I'm pressing pause and evaluating the entirety of my life. It's a big undertaking (as it would be for anyone under the age of two) so I'm logging everything here. Maybe this will help someone else with issues they are having; maybe someone will simply just find enjoyment in reading this; maybe no one will read this and I will be writing into the black void; however this blog is (or isn't) received, it doesn't matter. I'm here.

My favorite way of doing anything always involves lists and quantifying something that heretofore has only been qualified.

life by numbers

  I. surety in choice of academic final goal = 85%

 II. level of elf-efficacy in regards to meeting said goal = 45%

III. time spent thinking about money that primarily consists of worry/anxiety/general dread = 100%

IV. how my day is spent:

     A.  sleep = 30 %

     B.  travel = 10 % (walking to class, driving to work, etc)

     C.  class = 0—4 % (I am only taking 1 class this semester)

     D.  work = 0—16 %

     E.  homework = 0—8 % (probably the reason for the low self-efficacy number)

     F.   errands/appointments = 10 %

     G.  cleaning = 1 %

     H.  hygiene/getting ready = 5 %

      I.  leisure = 22—50 % (this includes eating because I usually read or watch TV while I eat)

Ladies, and gentlemen, we have a winner...of the answer to "Where am I going wrong?".

Thankfully, I just found another job, which should help decrease both III and G (and, obviously, raise D). Although there's nothing wrong with leisure time, I really do not need to regularly be contributing 50% of my time to it.

Included in my definition of leisure is: TV- and movie-watching; reading; perusing the internet; writing on my blogs (I have one other); working out (which I value more than regular leisure but don't do frequently enough for it to have it's own category); playing guitar; listening to music; and anything else that is non-essential and usually considered to be fun.

Now that I have examined how I spend my time, I'm going to start paring down, but physically with my stuff and abstractly with how I invest my time. To do this, though, I need to start believing that my time is a worthy investment, not a throwaway substance of little to no value.

Let The Minimalist Project commence!

Much love.

—A